we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize