Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
