did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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