It's like God shit irony all over that family
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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