I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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