You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
