I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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