she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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