you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
