i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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