the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
