just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
