You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
