he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
