I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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