yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
