hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
