@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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