Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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