508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
