no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
