you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
