you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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