wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
