Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
