Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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