It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
