I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
