A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
