I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
