ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize