paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
