Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
