ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
