Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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