If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
