I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
