She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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