cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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