he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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