Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
