It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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