Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
