I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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