I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
