so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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