i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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