We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
