As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
