How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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