That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
