Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
