drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
