I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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