he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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