Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
