Pappa wants mamma naked
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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