saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
