look no pants
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
