I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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