im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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