The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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