Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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