I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
