I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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