Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
