wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
