Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
