I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
