hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just invented taco cereal.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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