sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
