he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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