You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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