I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
