Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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