dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
