Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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