one two three fourrrrnication!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
