take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My vagina just recognized that song.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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