we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
