Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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